On beer, burritos and Burning Man baby! (part 1)

Well, I’m back from Burning Man and, bar the jetlag, have returned to the real world. These few weeks after T.T.I.T.D. (That Thing in the Desert) always serve to highlight the sheer dullness of my everyday life. It’s tough to look out of the window at a newsagent, a laundrette and a series of Volkswagens when just last week the view from my ‘home’ was more likely to incorporate the beautiful tented and statued façade of the Ashram Galactica bar, a huge motorised fish and a constant stream of happy people in myriad exotic costumes or complete nudity. Alarm clocks suck when you’ve been woken by the sound of what you think is a propane burner, and emerged from your tent to see a hot air balloon floating, with its basket at head height, down the street outside.

I had a slightly shaky start to my BM experience this year. Having forgotten to print off my early arrivals pass, I had to wait at Will Call while my travelling companion went into the event, picked up a spare copy and sent someone back with it. Being indescribably naive even on my third burn, I cheerfully settled down to wait, forgetting to prepare myself for the ever changeable weather or the potential length of my wait. With immaculate sense of timing, one of the Playa's notorious dust storms sprang up almost as soon as the truck was out of sight. I was now stranded without goggles or dust mask in a flurry of swirling particles of prehistoric fish shit. Luckily another friend passing through Will Call was able to provide me with a hoody to cover my head and, crucially, a couple of cans of lukewarm beer. Feeling a little more cheerful I huddled by the ticket booth and began my tranformation into human sand dune. My mood lifted further when a friendly, chatty guy sat down to keep me company for a while, but was dashed once again when he asked if I'd like to come with him round the back of the rickety little hut and "get busy". The frostily raised eyebrow which greeted this offer was enough to send him scuttling on his way. I waited for over two hours and have rarely been so pleased to see anyone as I was when a friend finally materialised bearing that precious piece of paper. The gate staff kindly took pity on me and allowed us to bypass the queues; letting us in through the side and sending me off to rejoin my beloved campmates...