Toe twister

I ordered a pair of tights online; big thick woolly ones for that snuggly Winter feeling as you skip through crisp November breezes, laughing at the shivering souls in their flimsy nylons, and for that sticky, sweaty feeling on overcrowded tube trains as you gaze enviously at the sensible souls in breathable nylons. Yesterday the tights arrived, and I excitedly tore open the packet. So woolly! So warm! Oh look, turned heels! Wait a minute........that doesn't look quite right. The heels were turned so that the feet pointed in opposite directions. Were I to contort my legs into the position dictated by the ergonomic structure of these tights, any attempts to walk would result in me turning in sad little circles, like a cat treading out a nest in a duvet.