Is it possible to grow old without growing up?

My body is falling apart. I must have slept funny last night, and the agonising pain in my back and neck on waking today is surely a sign of oncoming decrepitude. There are other signs too, which lead me to believe I'm getting old:

• My hangovers are getting steadily worse.
• I carry a huge handbag, which contains dozens of potentially useful items (and many more which will probably never prove useful).
• I look forward to a quiet evening in.
• I'm becoming a hypochondriac. Last week I kept smelling burning and had a series of notable memory lapses, so I actually started looking up the symptoms of strokes and brain tumours on Google.
• I've started complaining about poor customer service. I've even been known to ask to speak to a person's manager when on the phone to companies.
• I like comfy shoes.
• My coat pockets are full of pieces of paper covered in to-do lists and hand-drawn maps.
• I want to tell the girls at the bus stop to roll down their school skirts.
• I actually used the phrase "I want never gets", and I wasn't even talking to a child.
• I have a button box.