On beer, burritos and Burning Man baby! (part 3)

When Burning Man finished I made my way to San Francisco. I must now point out that travelling by R.V. is a wonderful experience. We were well underway before I even woke up, and the rest of the journey was spent lounging on the bed with the contents of the fridge within arm's reach. Bliss! Anyway, once I arrived in SF I stayed with a friend. This particular friendship bugs me a lot because I value it really highly, and absolutely adore the girl in question, but only get to see her once or twice a year due to the bloody ocean being in the way. If I could convince her to move to London I'd be a very happy bunny. I'd also be a very drunk bunny with a large bunny beer belly. This year I was introduced to the delicious Death and Taxes beer, and drank more of it than was strictly good for me. Through a straw. Not the best look, but fairly unavoidable when you've just decided to have a man put a stainless steel ring through your bottom lip. This did hamper my ability to eat and drink a little bit but, luckily, I managed before I had it done to get in my First Ever Burrito. Mmmm...that stuff is gooooood.

I broke pretty much all the rules of piercing after-care. I drank, I smoked and (after the first day) kept forgetting to clean it. I also did one thing which isn't on the list of post-piercing no-nos, but bloody well should be. Jello wrestling. I blame the novelty factor. And the beer. But mostly it was the novelty thing. I've never come across jello wrestling before as, as far as I'm aware, it's not something that often happens in the average UK pub. I don't know, maybe I'm just going to the wrong pubs, but I thought 'when am I ever going to get the opportunity to do this again?', and in I went. I got utterly trounced by an adorable, scantily clad little blonde, who got me in a choke hold so tight I thought she was going to kill me. Sporting it was not, but she did help me to hose myself down in the yard afterwards before 'forcing' (subject to exaggeration) me to drink several shots of whisky. Good times!

On beer, burritos and Burning Man baby! (part 2)

I've been putting off writing this post - the main account of my time at Burning Man this year - simply because it's so difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't been. I could write for days and not say anything that made sense. So here is a list of a few of my personal highlights from this year's burn:

- Documenting my trip through Mini-Meg's photo diary. People were starting to get annoyed with it by the end but the photos turned out really nicely..
- The brilliant acts at the Quixote's cabaret. Particularly Miss Pretty Kitty, Trauma Flintstone and the magician who hammered a nail through his nose.
- The stunning steampunk art car that looked like a mobile gothic house. I couldn't believe the effort that had been put in.
- The Flaming Lotus Girls' extraordinary art pieces - fantastical sculptures formed from metal and fire.
- The Nowhere Omnibus. A scheduled routemaster bus service on playa? My fellow Euroburners are nearly as mad as they are wonderful.
- Jaded burners. We took champagne and folding chairs to the Esplanade on burn night and then sat and heckled.
- The way everyone rallied to support us after we were issued a citation for unwittingly serving alcohol to the minor sent in by the police to sting us. Bastards.
- The snake threat level poster:
Green: Low risk of snakes - maintain vigilance
Amber: Moderate snake risk - increase snake awareness
Red: High risk of snakes - Prepare mongoose
Snaaaaaakes: Fucking snakes!
- Beer tasting at Abstininthe
- Jax shoving, mid-flow, the frat boy who thought it was a good idea to piss on our truck even though we were 30 seconds walk from the loos.
- The night-time parachutists who looked like circling meteors.
- Seeing so many of my friends and making some wonderful new ones.
- Emma trying to get me out of my corset. The two phrases which win the 'things you don't want to hear Emma say in this scenario' award are: "Does anyone have a knife?" and "Monty, can you help me".

On beer, burritos and Burning Man baby! (part 1)

Well, I’m back from Burning Man and, bar the jetlag, have returned to the real world. These few weeks after T.T.I.T.D. (That Thing in the Desert) always serve to highlight the sheer dullness of my everyday life. It’s tough to look out of the window at a newsagent, a laundrette and a series of Volkswagens when just last week the view from my ‘home’ was more likely to incorporate the beautiful tented and statued façade of the Ashram Galactica bar, a huge motorised fish and a constant stream of happy people in myriad exotic costumes or complete nudity. Alarm clocks suck when you’ve been woken by the sound of what you think is a propane burner, and emerged from your tent to see a hot air balloon floating, with its basket at head height, down the street outside.

I had a slightly shaky start to my BM experience this year. Having forgotten to print off my early arrivals pass, I had to wait at Will Call while my travelling companion went into the event, picked up a spare copy and sent someone back with it. Being indescribably naive even on my third burn, I cheerfully settled down to wait, forgetting to prepare myself for the ever changeable weather or the potential length of my wait. With immaculate sense of timing, one of the Playa's notorious dust storms sprang up almost as soon as the truck was out of sight. I was now stranded without goggles or dust mask in a flurry of swirling particles of prehistoric fish shit. Luckily another friend passing through Will Call was able to provide me with a hoody to cover my head and, crucially, a couple of cans of lukewarm beer. Feeling a little more cheerful I huddled by the ticket booth and began my tranformation into human sand dune. My mood lifted further when a friendly, chatty guy sat down to keep me company for a while, but was dashed once again when he asked if I'd like to come with him round the back of the rickety little hut and "get busy". The frostily raised eyebrow which greeted this offer was enough to send him scuttling on his way. I waited for over two hours and have rarely been so pleased to see anyone as I was when a friend finally materialised bearing that precious piece of paper. The gate staff kindly took pity on me and allowed us to bypass the queues; letting us in through the side and sending me off to rejoin my beloved campmates...