Ring ring

I went to the theatre last night. I'm always amused when the mobile phone announcement goes off at the beginning. Not by the people who go scrabbling for their handsets, but by the ones who sit back and look around them with smug, superior expressions. Pre-switching off of the mobile phone identifies a self-satisfied regular theatre-goer as surely as a bookcase categorised by colour tells you you've got a hipster on your hands.

An important difference

When plugging your destination into an online journey planner, it's important to realise that substituting 'Avenue' for 'Road' is a sub-optimal mistake, and will probably lead to your father having to drive halfway across Romford to collect you. Take note.

Things that make me smile no.88

I've finally finished my Christmas shopping, and I've done it without a single "That'll do". You know, the feeling when you're shopping for someone, and you don't know what to get them, so you just grab something impersonal and pointless and say "That'll do"? I can't stand that feeling. I would rather buy someone a present in July for no reason other than that I saw it and knew they would love it, than know that I absolutely must buy them something in December and end up giving them something they don't want. Naturally there remains the possibility that my friends and family will still hate everything I'm giving them this year, but at least I know that I've tried, even if I've got it wrong.

Also my manager gave me a chocolate selection box today. I haven't had one of these since I was a child, and it has given me my first little twinge of festive feeling this year. Who wouldn't smile at that?

Squelch

I trod on a wobbly pavement slab this morning, and recoiled in horror as the underlying reservoir of icy water was forced up the sides of the stone and over my foot. A passing lady laughed at me and then said "Oh well. At least you've only got one wet foot". Well yes, I thought, this is technically true. Glass half full and all that. But up until thirty seconds ago I had no wet feet, and that was infinitely preferable. Soggy tights and the subsequent toe freeze are not an ideal start to the day.

The lord giveth and he taketh away

I emerged from the lift to find a group of men waiting on the other side of the doors. As I walked away, I was privy to the following as they passed by:

Man 1: Pretty girl!
Man 2: You always like the fat ones.....