An inebriated young man got on the bus and sat next to me, despite there being plenty of empty seats. As the journey continued he gradually eased further into my personal space. Eventually I was forced to speak up.
Me: Do you want to stop leaning on me please?
Him: I've had a shit night. I really need some human contact.
Me: What?
Him: And you kind of look like my mum.
Me: O-kaaaay. I'm going to go sit over there.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Monday, 27 February 2012
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason I am single.
On Saturday night two men attempted to chat me up. The first was a tiny, creepy man in the pub. He approached me to tell me that he found me really attractive, mostly because I was clearly the kind of girl who would never look twice at a guy like him (I couldn't fault his accuracy), and he found that sort of thing really hot. The second was even creepier. He approached my friend and I while we were in a side street near Trafalgar Square; me, sqauatting in a corner having a crafty wee before getting on the night bus, my friend holding out her coat to afford me some modicum of modesty. We sent him on his way, that not being a moment at which one is particularly inclined to have an in depth conversation with a stranger, but he followed us back to the main road, seemingly with the sole purpose of telling us we were beautiful. Perhaps he had more to say but, as we told him (nice and clearly so it sunk in) to go away, we will never know.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Things that make me smile no.89
Today I am wearing tights in the brightest of possible bright pinks. As I walked to the station this morning, a man pushing a buggy drew level with me; the angelic-looking little girl in the buggy calling out a repetitive refrain along the lines of “See Daddy? Daddy look! Look Daddy!”. “Sorry” the man said “she likes your tights”. I thought this was pretty sweet, so I thanked her and blew her a kiss. As they pulled ahead of me up the length of the high street, she kept leaning out of the side of the buggy to grin back at me, blowing kisses at me all the way. I caught up with them on the platform, in time to end up on the same train and, as soon as she spotted me across the carriage, she bellowed out over the deafening commuter silence “Look Daddy, there’s my friend!”.
I like making friends.
I like making friends.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
St Valentine he aint!
A mad old man sitting on a bench in the cold with a can of some dubiously branded beer just yelled at me "You know why you not haulin any flowers? Cos you ugly through and through!". And they say romance is dead!
Sunday, 12 February 2012
Bucket update
An anonymous reader has requested an updated copy of the list, so here you go. Completed items are marked with asterisks.
I also remembered while doing this that I went to Amsterdam Pride last year, so I can tick off item 13 as well. Hurrah!
101 Things to do before I die
1. Learn to blow smoke rings
2. Throw a drink over someone
3. See the Aurora Borealis
4. Have dinner at the Fat Duck
5. See a glacier
6. Have my photo taken nude and like the result
7. Finish my book and have it published
8. Give 50 pounds to a busker
9. Go scuba diving
10. *Try an oyster*
11. Become fluent in another language
12. Swim with sharks
13. *Go to a Pride parade*
14. Take a ride in a hot air balloon
15. *Write a script*
16. Learn to drive
17. Skydive
18. Genuinely forgive everyone who has hurt me
19. Learn to juggle
20. *Go to Torture Garden*
21. Volunteer at Burning Man
22. Accept that I will always need to be on medication
23. Read every book listed in ‘1001 books you must read before you die’
24. Learn sign language
25. Own a bath big enough for two
26. Smash a plate on purpose
27. Send a message in a bottle
28. Have a library room in my house
29. Own a snake
30. Stay in the ice hotel
31. *Try caviar*
32. *Ask someone on a date*
33. *Stop having to order enough takeaway that they won’t realize I’m eating alone*
34. *Learn to knit*
35. Fly first class
36. *Start a blog*
37. Go a year without forgetting a single friend/relative’s birthday
38. Live in another country for a year
39. Learn to salsa
40. *Get a degree*
41. Get a masters degree
42. Get a doctorate
43. Adopt a child
44. Make jam
45. Visit the pyramids
46. Give a dinner party
47. Go white water rafting
48. Learn to cry on cue
49. Have a food fight
50. Be debt free
51. See a manatee
52. Go into space (and take my dad with me)
53. Have afternoon tea at the Ritz
54. Work in a job that I love
55. Hold a koala
56. Learn how to take a compliment
57. Go skiing
58. Spend 24 hours solid in a pub
59. Go to the Galapagos islands
60. Mudlark on the banks of the Thames at low tide
61. *Get a massage*
62. *Own a stuffed animal (taxidermy, not a teddy)*
63. Go to Mardi Gras
64. Take singing lessons
65. Go to a shop and try on wedding dresses a la Muriel
66. Learn to spin fire poi
67. Celebrate the Day of the Dead in Mexico
68. Change somebody’s life for the better
69. Hitchhike
70. Think up some really great last words
71. Learn to play poker
72. Go to an airport and get on the next available flight, regardless of destination
73. Stand on the equator
74. Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico
75. Take a holiday on a canal boat with friends
76. Have enough cats to cross the line from ‘cat-lover’ to ‘crazy cat lady’
77. Find the perfect bra
78. Visit the Sistine chapel
79. Do a cartwheel
80. Give somebody flowers for no reason
81. Go to Iceland
82. Learn to ride a motorbike
83. *Be kissed under mistletoe*
84. Become a regular in a pub and have a ‘usual’
85. Learn the proper use of English grammar
86. Deliver a crushing comeback when insulted instead of gaping in disbelief like a stunned trout
87. Write a love letter
88. See penguins in the wild
89. Run (or more likely walk) the London marathon
90. Take a picture every day for a year
91. Go to Glastonbury festival
92. Take horse riding lessons
93. Organise a grown-up sleepover
94. Put on pyjamas, get into a show bed in a shop and see how long it takes to get chucked out
95. Busk
96. Travel on the Orient Express
97. Live independently for a whole year
98. Couchsurf
99. Get my affairs in order
100. Write my will
101. Watch out for that…! Too late.
I also remembered while doing this that I went to Amsterdam Pride last year, so I can tick off item 13 as well. Hurrah!
101 Things to do before I die
1. Learn to blow smoke rings
2. Throw a drink over someone
3. See the Aurora Borealis
4. Have dinner at the Fat Duck
5. See a glacier
6. Have my photo taken nude and like the result
7. Finish my book and have it published
8. Give 50 pounds to a busker
9. Go scuba diving
10. *Try an oyster*
11. Become fluent in another language
12. Swim with sharks
13. *Go to a Pride parade*
14. Take a ride in a hot air balloon
15. *Write a script*
16. Learn to drive
17. Skydive
18. Genuinely forgive everyone who has hurt me
19. Learn to juggle
20. *Go to Torture Garden*
21. Volunteer at Burning Man
22. Accept that I will always need to be on medication
23. Read every book listed in ‘1001 books you must read before you die’
24. Learn sign language
25. Own a bath big enough for two
26. Smash a plate on purpose
27. Send a message in a bottle
28. Have a library room in my house
29. Own a snake
30. Stay in the ice hotel
31. *Try caviar*
32. *Ask someone on a date*
33. *Stop having to order enough takeaway that they won’t realize I’m eating alone*
34. *Learn to knit*
35. Fly first class
36. *Start a blog*
37. Go a year without forgetting a single friend/relative’s birthday
38. Live in another country for a year
39. Learn to salsa
40. *Get a degree*
41. Get a masters degree
42. Get a doctorate
43. Adopt a child
44. Make jam
45. Visit the pyramids
46. Give a dinner party
47. Go white water rafting
48. Learn to cry on cue
49. Have a food fight
50. Be debt free
51. See a manatee
52. Go into space (and take my dad with me)
53. Have afternoon tea at the Ritz
54. Work in a job that I love
55. Hold a koala
56. Learn how to take a compliment
57. Go skiing
58. Spend 24 hours solid in a pub
59. Go to the Galapagos islands
60. Mudlark on the banks of the Thames at low tide
61. *Get a massage*
62. *Own a stuffed animal (taxidermy, not a teddy)*
63. Go to Mardi Gras
64. Take singing lessons
65. Go to a shop and try on wedding dresses a la Muriel
66. Learn to spin fire poi
67. Celebrate the Day of the Dead in Mexico
68. Change somebody’s life for the better
69. Hitchhike
70. Think up some really great last words
71. Learn to play poker
72. Go to an airport and get on the next available flight, regardless of destination
73. Stand on the equator
74. Swim with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico
75. Take a holiday on a canal boat with friends
76. Have enough cats to cross the line from ‘cat-lover’ to ‘crazy cat lady’
77. Find the perfect bra
78. Visit the Sistine chapel
79. Do a cartwheel
80. Give somebody flowers for no reason
81. Go to Iceland
82. Learn to ride a motorbike
83. *Be kissed under mistletoe*
84. Become a regular in a pub and have a ‘usual’
85. Learn the proper use of English grammar
86. Deliver a crushing comeback when insulted instead of gaping in disbelief like a stunned trout
87. Write a love letter
88. See penguins in the wild
89. Run (or more likely walk) the London marathon
90. Take a picture every day for a year
91. Go to Glastonbury festival
92. Take horse riding lessons
93. Organise a grown-up sleepover
94. Put on pyjamas, get into a show bed in a shop and see how long it takes to get chucked out
95. Busk
96. Travel on the Orient Express
97. Live independently for a whole year
98. Couchsurf
99. Get my affairs in order
100. Write my will
101. Watch out for that…! Too late.
Saturday, 11 February 2012
Fewer things to do
Last year, when the year turned, I did an update on my bucket list. I forgot to do so this January, so here it is. My accomplishments from 2011......
32. Ask someone on a date - A massive achievement. Nothing much came of it, as there was never a second date, but still! Well done me for plucking up the courage to risk rejection.
33. Stop having to order enough takeaway that they won’t realize I’m eating alone - This was one of my most ridiculous foibles, and I'm glad to be rid of it. I mean really, why would any restaraunt or delivery driver care? So long as they get paid for the food, the sociability of the diner is utterly irrelevent.
62. Own a stuffed animal (taxidermy, not a teddy) - I never did show you a picture of Earl, did I?
He was a house-warming present when I moved into the Wonky Flat™, and is one of my all-time favourite possessions ever. It's clear that he's had a bit of a hard life, having lost an ear in some long-past battle (probably over a lady squirrel), so it makes me happy that he gets to spend the remainder of his days being cared for by someone who truly appreciates his charm.
I think that's it for the year! I'm working my way through, slowly but surely.
32. Ask someone on a date - A massive achievement. Nothing much came of it, as there was never a second date, but still! Well done me for plucking up the courage to risk rejection.
33. Stop having to order enough takeaway that they won’t realize I’m eating alone - This was one of my most ridiculous foibles, and I'm glad to be rid of it. I mean really, why would any restaraunt or delivery driver care? So long as they get paid for the food, the sociability of the diner is utterly irrelevent.
He was a house-warming present when I moved into the Wonky Flat™, and is one of my all-time favourite possessions ever. It's clear that he's had a bit of a hard life, having lost an ear in some long-past battle (probably over a lady squirrel), so it makes me happy that he gets to spend the remainder of his days being cared for by someone who truly appreciates his charm.
I think that's it for the year! I'm working my way through, slowly but surely.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Sometimes......
Sometimes something lands on your head.
Sometimes it's a raindrop.
Sometimes it's pigeon poo.
And sometimes you just have to turn to your friends and say "There's a moth on my head, isn't there?".
Sometimes it's a raindrop.
Sometimes it's pigeon poo.
And sometimes you just have to turn to your friends and say "There's a moth on my head, isn't there?".
Monday, 6 February 2012
Ticket lottery blues
This week saw the draw for the new Burning Man ticket lottery and, I think it's safe to say, it was not a success. I have heard estimates that say 1/3 of people got the tickets they requested, but I suspect it's lower than that. I know many dozens of people who applied and, at last count, I'm only aware of six who got tickets. Many theme camps and projects are concerned that they will not be able to attend the event. Alongside that is the fact that this new process was supposed to discourage scalpers, but there are already numerous overpriced tickets on various resale websites.
Now, I'm not a ticketing or event management expert, and offered no advice to BMorg on the system prior to its inception, so I don't have the kind of anger and frustration endemic to those who attempted to tell them that this would happen. I can understand why they feel that way though, and I myself have expressed my bitter disappointment at not being among the chosen few. None of this surprises me. What has surprised me is the response of others to that disappointment and anger. We have been told we are whingers, we are self-entitled, we need to grow up. And all this by people I consider to be reasonable adults and, sometimes, by people I consider to be friends.
What I'm wondering is, when exactly did it become such a bad thing to express negative emotions? If we're disappointed, why should we not say so? If we're hurt or distressed, why is it socially unacceptable for us to cry? I've seen two distinct groups of people expressing similar views this week, in this situation and others. One group is the idealists; those who state that the negativity isn't productive, that we should continue to hope, to believe, to have faith. The other group holds true to the classic stiff-upper-lip philosophy, and encourages us to bottle up our feelings and not let anybody see them, for fear of betraying weakness.
What stuns me about both groups is the lack of honesty. Human beings are not automata, capable of being subjected to any amount of emotional abuse without response. Neither are we happy little pixies, cheerful all the time, immune to any feeling other than joy. To claim otherwise is to lie to ourselves and others. We are subject to a whole range of emotions; some positive, some negative, but none 'good' or 'bad'. It bemuses me that people are so determined to shut down any expression of what they consider to be 'bad' feelings. As one of my friends succinctly put it: "People are talking about how they *feel* about the way they have been treated. You are in no position to take that away from them - feelings are personal, the interpretation of action against one is personal". For myself, I can't help wondering why one person's feelings of disappointment, sadness or hurt are perceived as a weakness in their character, or why, if these feelings are indeed a sign of weakness, they are so threatening to the people around them.
Now, I'm not a ticketing or event management expert, and offered no advice to BMorg on the system prior to its inception, so I don't have the kind of anger and frustration endemic to those who attempted to tell them that this would happen. I can understand why they feel that way though, and I myself have expressed my bitter disappointment at not being among the chosen few. None of this surprises me. What has surprised me is the response of others to that disappointment and anger. We have been told we are whingers, we are self-entitled, we need to grow up. And all this by people I consider to be reasonable adults and, sometimes, by people I consider to be friends.
What I'm wondering is, when exactly did it become such a bad thing to express negative emotions? If we're disappointed, why should we not say so? If we're hurt or distressed, why is it socially unacceptable for us to cry? I've seen two distinct groups of people expressing similar views this week, in this situation and others. One group is the idealists; those who state that the negativity isn't productive, that we should continue to hope, to believe, to have faith. The other group holds true to the classic stiff-upper-lip philosophy, and encourages us to bottle up our feelings and not let anybody see them, for fear of betraying weakness.
What stuns me about both groups is the lack of honesty. Human beings are not automata, capable of being subjected to any amount of emotional abuse without response. Neither are we happy little pixies, cheerful all the time, immune to any feeling other than joy. To claim otherwise is to lie to ourselves and others. We are subject to a whole range of emotions; some positive, some negative, but none 'good' or 'bad'. It bemuses me that people are so determined to shut down any expression of what they consider to be 'bad' feelings. As one of my friends succinctly put it: "People are talking about how they *feel* about the way they have been treated. You are in no position to take that away from them - feelings are personal, the interpretation of action against one is personal". For myself, I can't help wondering why one person's feelings of disappointment, sadness or hurt are perceived as a weakness in their character, or why, if these feelings are indeed a sign of weakness, they are so threatening to the people around them.
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